


Notes for When You Are Older

by Kahara_the_Ghostly_Galoomp



Series: Unquiet Waters [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: New Republic Era - All Media Types
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, And how being Force-sensitive, Character Study, Dark Jedi who cannot be housebroken, Diary/Journal, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Espionage, F/M, Family, Female Protagonist, Friendship, Gen, Good and Evil, Makes that a total headache, Male-Female Friendship, Minor Canonical Character(s), Mother-Daughter Relationship, Motherhood, Original Character(s), Other, Other: See Story Notes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Single Parents, Star Wars wildlife and its muddy muddy feet, Tags May Change, Warning - reference to psychological manipulation and brainwashing, Warnings May Change, post-Endor Imperials (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-01 07:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4011898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahara_the_Ghostly_Galoomp/pseuds/Kahara_the_Ghostly_Galoomp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elena Shelvay isn’t crazy. It’s not paranoia when the galaxy really is out to get you. But she never expected her current mission. Now she’s faced with a broken Empire, a revelation dropped on her psyche by an alien coral consciousness, and Objective One: to turn the squalling, hostile, prune-like humanoid she carried for nine months into a productive member of society. Any society. The Mandalorians adopt, don’t they? The one thing she’s sure of is that it’s important to keep good notes. Notes make order out of the universe. Someday, her daughter may need to know these things.</p><p>Re-posted from TFN. Work in progress. Diary Challenge story for 2015</p><p>On hiatus. Updating to archive posts already on TFN as of Dec 2016.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note about the warnings: This story treads on somewhat murkier ground than some of my other works and deals a bit more with issues such as psychological manipulation, brainwashing, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, sexism, racism (of the space variety, but still), and other topics that may be triggering for some readers. Although I'm always a bit reluctant to warn on the basis that it could seem like claiming my writing is more effective than it is, for this one please do check here if warnings are needed. Some of these characters are problematic (in oh so many ways) and live problematic lives.
> 
> Here are some things that readers might possibly want to be aware of. If you have any questions about the content based on these or just in general, let me know and I will do my scatterbrained best to help provide that information. 
> 
> \- Reference to psychological manipulation and brainwashing 
> 
> \- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 
> 
> \- Unhealthy relationship of the narrator -- as in, I'm pretty sure it started with Stockholm Syndrome 
> 
> -Mentions of past and current mental illness 
> 
> \- Mentions of ableism & prejudice based on mental illness 
> 
> \- Mentions of sexism 
> 
> \- Kidnapping in character's past 
> 
> \- Family member death 
> 
> \- Mentions of slavery in a character's past
> 
>  
> 
> This diary is meant to stand alone, but it’s also a technically a prequel to my other story Shark Kibble. Kibble is an ongoing OC story which was originally also written for the Diary Challenge. Notes may contain spoilers for elements of that story, since it reveals some of the background of the characters. Elena Shelvay is a very minor (as in, appears in one RPG book) character from the Legends EU. While developing Elena as my narrator OC's mother, I became fascinated with her story and wanted to explore more of it. 
> 
> The diary entries and messages that appear are not meant to be part of any one character's inbox or collection; they're a series of messages and relevant documents in a semi-chronological order that will hopefully help put things in context.

[message sent to Iella Wessiri (New Republic Intelligence, Intelligence Operations Command) by Marcham Prace (New Republic Intelligence, Special Threats Division) -- 22 ABY]   
  
Iella, look at the files attached to this message. It’s something one of our agents found out in the Parmic sector. Remember Elena Shelvay? Blonde, pretty, Imperial Security Bureau, criminally insane? Neck-and-neck with Lanu Pasiq for the Imperial Miss Collateral Damage of the Outer Rim pageant?   
  
You’re not going to believe this. Not entirely sure that I do, though the data forensics team thinks the identity of the writer is for real.    
  
Crazy Ells spawned.    
  
[end message]   
  
  
  
[warning screen displayed before contents of file -- Elena Shelvay -- 4 ABY]    
  
Corwin Shelvay: If you are reading this, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. This is not an idle threat. It is a deeply cherished ambition. If you or your scurrying womprats should ever take the opportunity to go sniffing through my private files, the consequences will be severe.   
  
If you ever, ever think to use the contents of this in your Rebel spy games, I will not settle for killing you once. I have access to people who have access to things. Those things will make you exceedingly unhappy for a very long time. Do not test me. DO NOT EVER let me catch you or your delusional ideals within a million parsecs of the subject of this folder, Corwin.  _ I will smell it _ .    
  
[end screen]   
  
  
  
[entry dated 23 AE: 5: 16 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]   
  
Lydia Antinina Shelvay: Hello, my little one. I love you. These are my notes for when you are older, just in case anything should happen to separate us between now and then. Anyone who tries to take you away to some Jedi Temple is going to find themselves pulling back bloody stumps where their limbs used to be kept. However, I know too well that parents are not immortal and cannot always choose where their children will go. My messengers will find their way to you if I cannot. I have arranged for it.   
  
There should be no need to tell you where you come from. I will anyway, just in case. I’m your mother, Elena Ceren Shelvay. I have been with the Imperial Security Bureau for fourteen standard years. Your father is High Inquisitor Antinnis Tremayne. You were born on the Imperial Star Destroyer  _ Imperishable _ . Be proud of that. She’s a good ship and her captain is a hero of the Empire – or will be, if I have anything to say about it.    
  
Soon, you and I will go to live in a safe place. There I can continue to serve the Empire, and you can grow up out of the way of the disorder that is even now spreading into the Core. I hope you do not feel disappointed in me for this. It is one thing to fight the Rebels, but another to fight one’s own people. I know Imperial Center and its currents. Believe me when I say that I can feel the cracks already grown beyond my power to fix. The wise will get out while there is a chance.    
  
If all precautions have failed and you were raised somewhere else, I suppose you’re probably wincing in utter horror at the thought of your Imperial parents. All I can do is ask for your faith. There is nothing that would keep me from bringing you home, and I would never harm you.    
  
It’s probably best if you  _ don’t _ seek out your father if you’re with the Rebels. Contact me instead. I will take care of things.   
  
I honestly hope that you have not inherited Antinnis’s ability with the Force. The Force’s gifts tend to come with curses. The perceptions that I received as my own trickster’s gift from that energy field are unpredictable. There are a few whisps of possibility, but nothing sufficient to tell me what you will be. If my senses are saying anything important, it’s lost in all the background noise of exhaustion.    
  
It’s been nearly a month since you came into the world – and you took your time about it too. Actually, it turns out that I do have a prediction after all. I believe that your timing will always be inconvenient. You did have to pick a delivery date a mere three weeks after the Battle of Endor. Somehow, I think that you will not live a boring life.   
  
[end entry]    
  
  
  
[message sent to Marcham Prace (New Republic Intelligence, Special Threats Division) by Iella Wessiri (New Republic Intelligence, Intelligence Operations Command) -- 22 ABY]   
  
What.   
  
What did I just read?   
  
[end message]   
  
  
  
** Notes ** :   
  
Iella Wessiri ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Iella_Wessiri_Antilles ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Iella_Wessiri_Antilles) )   
  
Marcham Prace ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Marcham_Prace ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Marcham_Prace) )   
  
Lanu Pasiq ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Lanu_Pasiq ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Lanu_Pasiq) )


	2. Chapter 2

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 5: 17 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]   
  
Lydia:  You are extraordinarily loud and your demands are ambiguously phrased. Your interests thus far seem to consist of food, sleep, crying uncontrollably, gazing into the distance with a vague interest in moving objects, pooping, and whining to the universe when you need to be cleaned. I cannot fault you for this, especially since the adult versions of these have largely been my interests as well these last few weeks. Fortunately, the med-droid reports that I am healing from the birth process at a normal rate. The emotional turbulence seems to be simmering down a bit. I’ve even managed a sonic shower sometime in the last 48 hours. Soon my immediate problems may be reduced to sleep and gazing into the distance. That sounds good.   
  
For once, you are sleeping soundly tonight. This is miraculous and I should be doing the same, except that the  _ Imperishable _ is currently engaged in a skirmish. You did this the last time as well, if I recall correctly. Apparently the sound of turbolaser fire on well-maintained energy shields is what it takes to lull you to sleep. Good to know.    
  
[end entry] 


	3. Chapter 3

[message sent to Devon Fuller (New Jedi Order) by Talia Reede (New Republic Intelligence, Ongoing Investigation Division)]  
  
Hey Dev. How’s the compound fracture doing? You should let your Pad-thingy take the daredevil leaps to certain doom. That’s what he’s for. You’re supposed to be all sage and set a good example, _Master Fuller_.  
  
While you’re not getting under the medics’ feet, check out this thing. I don’t know what to make of it. It’s supposedly written by Corwin’s sister – that one who used to be with the Imps and disappeared after Endor. I’m not sure if he should see it. The Jedi stuff is not my strong point, as you know. See what you think.  
  
[end message]  
  
  
  
[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 5: 20 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]  
  
Lydia: Ahnjai keeps laughing at me because I have developed a habit of smelling your hair. He doesn’t vocalize. He rarely does. It bothers me sometimes. But I know.   
  
There’s no delicate way of putting this. Kidlet, you smell weird. The med-droid informs me that this is something that will fade in time. It already has gone a little. Too bad. It’s not an unpleasant scent.  
  
[end entry]   
  
  
  
[message sent to Talia Reede (New Republic Intelligence, Ongoing Investigation Division) by Zsiga Bakat (New Jedi Order)]  
  
I suppose it would be pointless to ask what was in that audio file you sent? Devon’s been listening to it on loop and talking to himself. I think you may have broken my teacher’s brain. Thanks for providing a distraction, I think.  
  
[end message]  
  
  
  
 **Notes** :  
  
Devon Fuller ([http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Devon_Fuller](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Devon_Fuller)) -  Another of those RPG guide characters. He was described as Force-sensitive, but also a bit of a … well, scoundrel.  Kind of a Han Solo lite (poor guy, he’s stuck competing with Dash Rendar for that slot. ) but with a bit of con artistry and thievery mixed in, and terrible at keeping any ship in one piece. He’s listed as one of Corwin’s Rebel contacts right around the OT era. Thought it would be amusing to have him end up as one of the NJO teachers, given his rather shady past and high-strung temperament.

Talia Reede ([http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Talia_Reede](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Talia_Reede)) \- Extremely minor non-player character from the Star Wars Galaxies game. There, she was a newly discovered Force-sensitive who was being hunted by the Empire and had to be rescued by the Rebels. The game leaves her beginning Jedi training at Anchorhead (no, I don’t understand either – it’s a video game, logic does not apply.) She’s described as having a skeptical outlook on the possibility of having unusual abilities. It seems plausible to me that she just wasn’t enthused about the idea of becoming a Jedi. Here, she ended up going into another field after some preliminary training to help get her powers in order (no random floating objects.)

Ahnjai Rahmma ([http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ahnjai_Rahmma](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ahnjai_Rahmma)) \- Yet another from the RPG guide. He’s introduced as Inquisitor Tremayne’s bodyguard, an imposing feline alien who serves him under a life debt for unknown reasons. There’s a great deal of resentment between him and Tremayne. In this particular series universe, he ended up transferring that life debt to Elena and Tremayne evidently allowed it – we have not yet seen how or why that happened.

Srrors’tok ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Srrors%27tok ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Srrors%27tok) ) – Ahnjai’s species   
  
Zsiga Bakat is an OC. If you’re like me and wonder about the visual image for characters, he’s intended to be a Klatooinian male in his late teens. ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Klatooinian ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Klatooinian) )   
  
As for the peculiar smell of newborn babies, there are surprisingly few sources on the topic. A couple of studies trying to prove that women respond to baby scents in some way or another. Maybe it's something people just imagine, though I could almost swear that I've noticed it before. Strange. A mass hallucination? Anyway, here’s one article that I was able to find while researching:  [ http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/02/ah-theres-nothing-like-new-baby-smell/?_r=0 ](http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/02/ah-theres-nothing-like-new-baby-smell/?_r=0)


	4. Chapter 4

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 5: 24 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]   
  
Lydia: We’re going to arrive at our new home today. It means saying goodbye to Zain and Amery, which is going to be more difficult than I imagined. At least Ahnjai will be there. Everything keeps changing on me.    
  
But this is a world that I know; it’s incredible good luck for us that the  _ Imperishable _ happened to be taking on food supplies here. It’s called Shullia and it is located inside the very edge of the Torch Nebula. It is not a rich or well-known planet, but I think it will be a good place for you to grow up. There is enough going on there that I do not think the usual Outer Rim tawdriness has set in yet, and if things are managed well it may never do so.    
  
In all the uproar, the Rim Imperial administrators don’t seem to know what to make of my soon-to-be presence in their system. The ISB plague, as some of my colleagues have referred to it. However, I’ve made sure that the right procedures were followed; isks pronged and trills forked on every document. I did not always realize how much of what I do depends on making people think it’s their own idea. So much of it has been second nature to me. You, kidlet, you would not believe how many people must think you were their idea. Darth Vader himself probably thought you were his idea. He always did seem to have an odd preoccupation with his protégés’ personal lives.    
  
We’ve been hearing the strangest stories about Vader out here. Many don’t want to believe that he and the Emperor are truly dead, but I know that it is so. The Core would not be imploding the way it is if they were there to say anything about it.    
  
New home, new job, new everything it seems. New you, asleep without the ship being in battle this time. That part, at least, must be progress.   
  
I have no idea what comes next.    
  
[end entry]    
  
  
  
** Notes ** :   
  
Torch Nebula ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Torch_Nebula ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Torch_Nebula) )   
  
Isk = I and Trill = T (from the Aurebesh: <http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Aurebesh>)   
  
For more information on what Legends-canon we have regarding Tremayne’s training and Vader, see here:  [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Antinnis_Tremayne#Recruitment ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Antinnis_Tremayne#Recruitment)


	5. Chapter 5

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 5: 26 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]   
  
Lydia: We’re here. Home, for the time being. It was a fairly brief journey to reach Shullia. The shuttle from Neredda made it here in a matter of hours after we left the _Imperishable_ and caught it at the spaceport. I’m relieved to have that finished. Navigation through even the outskirts of the Torch Nebula is not for the faint of heart.    
  
[deleted text]   
  
What possessed them to make the new hyperlane maintenance system so dependent on alien technology is beyond me. Some kind of upgrade was necessary after the nebula flare shorted out so many systems back in ‘22. Lucky me, being sent here at just the wrong time! I still remember the uncertainty of knowing that we were cut off from the outside galaxy. But this new hyperlane system is too strange for words. Do we even know how to make repairs? They’re beautiful ships, but where did they come from? How did Imperial design end up being involved in their creation?    
  
There’s something very peculiar about all of this. I've been before, and it still surprises me that sentients chose to settle these systems in recent memory. And that the Empire continued to support it. With the ancient colonization efforts in Kathol Sector, at least there was a reason for them to reach for the farthest flung places they could find. Out here, it baffles me. Why did we put all this infrastructure in at a time when the Empire was at its strongest and had much better options? Somebody’s in-laws must have made a fortune. But at least the systems have a range of resources and specializations between them; the region is nearly self-sufficient. The nebula issues are as much a shield as an inconvenience. That may well be vital now. In the past, such utility would have been inconceivable.   
  
[/end deleted text]   
  
You seem to be increasingly interested in everything. I am not sure if this is because we’ve passed some new little age threshold or because we’re in another new place. Whatever the case, you spend a lot of time looking at your feet – when you aren’t grabbing at Ahnjai’s tail. That gave me a fright the first time, but he’s shown himself to be amused by your habit and in fact seems to regard it as a game. I’d never thought of it before, but now I cannot help but wonder if he had some experience with younglings in his past. Siblings? Cousins? Children of his own?    
  
I’ve been getting us settled in and taking care of messes for the last couple of days.    
  
[deleted text]   
  
Only some of those messes were yours, dear – the state of the archive at the long-disused ISB location here is something far fouler than anything you’ve yet to produce. At first, I just meant to check in and start arranging things, but now I can see it won’t be that simple. The last agents in here were transferred ages ago, and apparently with not much notice. Everything from the end of their term is a disaster. I can chart with pinpoint accuracy the sordid timeline of the day when the previous occupants broke down, panicked like eopies startled by their own farts, and resorted to throwing all the archival discs into the main safe. Their “secure” lock was not. They have earned my contempt.    
  
In other news, there is a different governor here than on my last visit. Teag was one of Balfour's associates and did not impress me as having much more concern for his efficiency. I know little of this new replacement, Xacall. Something about him makes me uneasy. Still, it's all too easy to mistake an arbitrary dislike with a warning from the subconscious -- or vice versa. I will just have to keep an eye on him.   
  
The arrangements for my new occupation here seem to have been pushed through on the other side, and I've been a little surprised to see a familiar face. Not necessarily a friendly one, but the familiarity is a kind of comfort in itself now. It seems I’m not the only one who has been drawn back to this locality by some strange twist of fate. Lenox Dayja was here before when I visited as Balfour's aide. We started off rather poorly that time. He took a dislike to my way of handling the situation. And he was Imperial Intelligence, which made us natural enemies. It was a long three and a half weeks. Still, the problem was resolved and we managed not to kill each other in the process. I don't think he'll ever like me, but I'm not here to be liked. I'm here to do my job, and he seems to trust me as far as that. That's the best I can ask.   
  
[end deleted text]   
  
Our new apartment in Tulekahju is functional but not very restful. It could be decorated, of course, but with everything that is going on, I don't think I'll find the time any time soon. I've been searching the other housing in the range that I could get. There are places that look really tempting further out in the hinterlands. It would be a long commute, but there's still an appeal to the idea. Some of the places are as cheap as the city if one discounts the travel costs. Those would not be insubstantial expenses, but not really terrible.    
  
There's one area in particular that intrigues me. It's in the area between an agricultural zone and some undeveloped forested hills. To be honest, some place where we could be separated from neighbors by more than a few feet of wall would give me peace of mind.    
  
This apartment is very secure by any objective standards, probably moreso than an isolated house in the relative middle-of-nowhere. But I could design my own security systems and build the place to my specifications. I have been doodling possibilities on flimsy in quiet moments. It’s the sort of activity that I lately find myself drifting towards in minutes when I know that you, the Empire, or something will need something soon and I can’t quite turn my brain off enough to catnap. Maybe I just like the idea of picking the wallpaper myself.    
  
[end entry]   
  
[deleted text]    
  
It looks so much like Galtea out there, it’s downright unsettling. Some of those holopics make me wonder if I’m having one of those dreams where old familiar places show up in new permutations, and I’m going to wake up somewhere in my past. I have a terrible feeling that I'm going to end up making a questionable choice based on sentimental reasons.    
  
What is all of this? I didn't used to have these problems, not for a long time. I had other problems instead. They were simpler problems, at least for me. Perhaps not so much for the people I thought I was protecting. That experience on Sedri has changed something. I hesitate to even think how much. But there it is. After seeing myself that way, I've become different. There’s not much use in trying to deny it.   
  
[end deleted text]   
  
**Notes** :   
  
Nebula flares are a real thing; here is an article about one observed in the Crab Nebula.    
<http://www.wired.com/2011/05/crab-nebula-flares/>   
  
Kathol sector (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Kathol_sector>) – location of the planet Galtea. The Kathol region is both isolated and one of the lesser-known Natural Weirdness Magnets of the GFFA. Which is why I picked it for Elena and Corwin’s unspecified-in-canon homeworld. It seemed like a pretty good place for the Empire to bypass a couple of untrained Force-sensitives.    
  
Dayja appeared in Timothy Zahn’s Scoundrels. (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dayja>)    
  
Galtea (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Galtea>)    
  
Sedri (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Sedri>)   
  
Regarding the mysterious hyperlane system: based on the information about Byss and the very existence of Interdictors, I've assumed that it is indeed possible to alter or create a hyperspace route and that keeping things functioning smoothly may sometimes involve some kind of large-scale technology to maintain.


	6. Chapter 6

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 5: 31 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]  
  
Lydia: I have been making plans. Ahnjai looks a little perturbed. The lava moat wasn't meant in earnest. It would foul up the air quality. Also, there are no geological features nearby that would provide a source. Pity about that.  
  
In an effort to improve my knowledge base on the subject, I have been reading some parenting guides. Now I am as unnerved by them as Ahnjai is by my architectural ambitions.  
  
Have discarded the portion of texts that seem to believe you are a gundark pup in need of being carried about constantly for the next ten years. However, I'm considering the usefulness of the recommended sling pack device for outings where it would be nice to have my hands free. There was something of the kind used on my homeworld, but I never paid attention because I had no younger siblings and thought babies to be rather boring.  
  
Have also discarded the ones that are focused entirely upon creating soldiers, geniuses, or high-priced marriage partners from the cradle. The stars know I’ve worked with enough people who were raised that way. No.  
  
That only leaves a hip deep pile of contradictory poodoo to shuffle through. I may just end up tossing it all.  
  
[deleted text] I swear, Lydia, the ISB were better parents to me than some of these jokers are at giving other people advice. [end deleted text]  
  
[end entry]  
  
  
  
[fragment – from message sent to Iella Wessiri (New Republic Intelligence, Intelligence Operations Command) by Corwin Shelvay (New Republic Intelligence, Special Threats Division) – 22 ABY]  
  
\--had no luck retrieving anything of significance through meditation. I wish I could shed some further light on the issue, but I'm afraid that my information has only served to confuse them further. Cracken was aware of the correspondent and had me compile the messages for Talia Reede to examine, but none of us were absolutely certain that it was Elena.  
  
There was no contact between us in the middle years between her kidnapping and the war, and again a gap of several years before the ciphered messages started coming. The messages did contain information that no one but Elena had known -- but it's entirely possible that she could have revealed those things to others intentionally or under interrogation. I can say that I had some intuition that it was her, but my perception has always been most useful at at a narrow-range focus. I can give no absolute guarantee that it was not wishful thinking on my part.  
  
Regarding the daughter referenced in these new documents, she was never mentioned. But then, she would not have been. Elena was very definite in her mistrust throughout all of our meetings in the three years before her second disappearance. If I had known about Lydia before, I would have asked Gharr to open another missing persons case until we could ensure her safety. As it was, Colmar’s unit in the Judicial Service had the report of my sensing Elena's death and given the circumstances, they had classified it as a potential murder investigation. Although I do not think Tremayne was directly involved, I have nothing other than a gut impression to that effect. Usually, I can tell when his fingerprints are on something and this time it doesn’t fit.  
  
I just don't know, Iella. I don't like the situation at all. However, I have nothing additional to give that would bump this case up to a higher priority than it already is. It actually would help if you went through the evidence, if you have the time – well, as much as any of us do. I suppose I’m banking on the fact that Elena was before your time with the New Republic and you have fewer memories to bias you one way or the other. It seems to me that many of us are missing pieces from staring at the puzzle for too long. You might be able to see it with new eyes.  
  
[end message fragment]  
  
  
  
 **Notes** :  
  
Airen Cracken (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Airen_Cracken>)  
  
Davaire Colmar (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Davaire_Colmar>)  
  
Judicial Service (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Judicial_Service>)


	7. Chapter 7

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 7:11 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]  
  
Lydia: It’s a perfect night. Shullia’s seasonal cycle is right in the middle of the transition from summer to autumn now, and the breeze feels wonderful. You’ll probably be fussing again in a minute, but right now you seem happy enough just to watch me and bat at the datapad from time to tAoeiwirtewpi-pti0-wpkiojtgqfka’pgojawegjigjpjgaehrgio]d9bu9gjr;ojytiqo[hgue’ijgyie’wytpi5uyuhjiela   
  
Error: command cannot be completed   
  
weopriaw43er0owewag;khnwogbnkew   
  
bmjoew[bkjwrg   
  
  
  
eprgokjeaophgkje[rgkihy[eark   
  
  
  
[comments from evidence analysis by Gaxifizt Ceirphad (New Republic Judicial Service, Outer Rim, Data Forensic Specialist) – 22 ABY]   
  
The holovid footage shows a Human infant, age of about three months based on comparison to the usual rate of growth. Although the shaky motion and poor quality of the vid prevents concrete identification, the retinal pattern appears to be at least a 79% match for the individual who is listed as Lydia Antinina Shelvay in other holos discovered with this collection of information. The motion of the viewer indicates that the datapad’s camera is being moved by the contact of the youngling’s hands and face with the touchscreen, but an adult is holding the device steady.   
  
An adult Human female is shown, beginning at 2:18 in the recording where she is seen holding the infant and looking into the holo briefly. This female’s retinal prints match those for Elena Ceren Shelvay by at least 82%. Althought the child’s clothing bears no identifying marks, magnification shows that the female is wearing a long-sleeved shirt with the logo of the Frumious Bandersnatch Bar and Grill (see description of the business, which had a location in the city of Tulekahju, Shullia by 2 ABY.) Stains on the shoulder are unidentifiable, although Lieutenant Ivalch tells me that “yep, that’s definitely spit-up.” The design of the female’s gloves is consistent with that used by the ISB in 4 ABY, although the holster of the weapon (unidentified) at her hip is non-standard and appears to have been modified with child-proofing measures.   
  
For some reason, the Human female makes a number of untranslatable sounds at the infant. These, to my ear, resemble the sounds of the species’ flatulence. She also utters a number of what the protocol droid tells me are non-word noises and contorts her face in ways that I have rarely observed in my interactions with Humans. I have been assured by humanoid consultants that this is normal parental interaction for Humans with younglings of this age. It is not indicative of a chemically altered state of consciousness, nor of any sort of trauma or illness. So they tell me. The infant makes the expression known as smiling, although Lieutenant Ivalch tells me that this could also signify the passing of air through the digestive system. The Human female turns off the vid recorder at 3:35.   
  
[end comments from evidence analysis]   
  
  
  
Eaor[ghesjrie[arojhgepwa] gaeriubhgeraol[hbjiae] ersherahj5etk8u9;’90’/   
  
  
  
Well, I’ve seen worse-looking documents written by much taller people. You’ll do, kidlet. All in good time.   
  
[end entry]   
  
  
  
**Notes** :   
  
Gaxifizt Ceirphad and Ivalch are OC’s who work with Davaire Colmar in the Judicial Service for the Outer Rim. Gaxifizt is a larval Ruurian ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ruurian ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ruurian) ), so the Human life cycle and all the odd behavior that goes with it are a source of bafflement for her.   
  
I have assumed here that Elena’s datapad has a holographic/touch interface that would be responsive to a youngling’s undirected flailing.   
The Frumious Bandersnatch is probably familiar, but just in case anyone missed out on a really strange poem: [ http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/jabberwocky/ ](http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/jabberwocky/)


	8. Chapter 8

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 7:11 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]   
  
I just woke up to notice that we’ve both been sleeping soundly for the last two hours. It’s a welcome respite. This has been a miserable day. I don’t blame it on you. In fact, I think your fidgeting and complaining may have been a response to my being on edge. I’m not sure how much you understand from tone of voice and such, but you seem more responsive and alert by the day. I wouldn’t put it past you to know when people are upset, even if there’s nothing unusual about your intuition.    
  
It’s been difficult to separate from you for part of the day, so that was less than ideal to start with. You’re still so new that I feel twitchy leaving you behind, but it’s a necessary thing for now. Though I had intended to look into getting you a nanny droid (not realizing how prohibitively expensive it is to get one that is in decent working order) or to find a child-minding center, Ahnjai has offered to care for you for part of the day while I begin to work again. I’ve accepted this with some relief. I feel more comfortable leaving you with him than with strangers, qualified or not.   
  
  
  
[deleted text]    
  
Though I have not forgotten Zain’s concerns regarding the psychology of the Srrors’tok species, I do not think that they hold weight in Ahnjai’s case. He has had many chances to harm either of us for vengeance on Antinnis, and never has. I trust very few people, but Ahnjai is one that I have seen as he behaves when no one could possibly censure him for it. He had no need to drag me out of that derelict Republic base; if he’d left me to drown no one would ever have found out.    
  
Even the code of honor he holds so dear would not have condemned him for it. I did some research on that recently. Because I am Antinnis’s mate (under the Srrors’tok way of thinking), it would not have been considered honorable to attack me. But he didn’t have to save me. The danger I was in was not of his making, and among his species rescuing a female is not socially idealized the same way that it is among most Human cultures. Most Srror’stok females are part of a rather separate hunter/warrior caste from the tribal cohort of dominant males that Ahnjai must have belonged to (or so I believe, given his combat skills in comparison to the pacifistic and monastic role of most of the males.) Generally speaking, females are expected to be the ones doing the guarding.    
  
He didn’t have to vow his protection to you and I after I saved him, either. He could have considered his debts paid and canceled, and even gone after Antinnis if he were inclined to be reckless. It’s not like it is with the little reptavians, who in reality only aid me as an adjunct to their protection of the Golden Sun.   
  
[end deleted text]   
  
  
  
At any rate, today’s woes began with my hoverbus pass not working. It was fine yesterday, but today the scanner insisted it was expired and I had to exit in embarrassment and catch a more expensive taxi.    
  
  
  
[deleted text]    
  
With our apartment right here in the middle of town, it seems excessive to purchase an individual transport for my personal use. There is a collection of fairly good vehicles at the old ISB center, but they haven’t been maintained and I don’t want to use them to travel to and from home – even though it wouldn’t be against the regulations that I checked.    
  
The reason for my making this all harder on myself is the disapproving looks that I keep getting from everyone else in the building. Because the ISB headquarters were small, they were located inside the Security and Police Administration Center. The main office there is a gauntlet that I get to run on my way to the place where I’m working on cleaning out the last tenants’ disasters. The staff and officers who work in the rest of the building know just enough about me to believe that I am a wealthy Inquisitor’s kept mistress who has been alotted a small domain in exchange for my favors.    
  
This is laughable. For one thing, I don’t think the Inquisitors are paid that much more than the higher levels of the ISB – it’s a respectable but hardly unimaginable level of wealth. For another, Antinnis knows better than to offer a credit of it to me. I’ve seen far too many otherwise promising careers overshadowed by the acceptance of such gifts. They may think that of me at Admin, but if I do as well then I haven’t a chance of proving them wrong. And I will.    
  
They need me here, even if they don’t know it yet. Most of them never will know, but there are a few specific individuals that will need to be won over. And most of them will need to learn to at least bypass my presence. They haven’t had a permanent ISB presence in the last seven years. Nothing has blown up or fallen from the sky, so it is assumed that that presence was, of course, a bureaucratic trifle and unnecessary. This is exactly the kind of careless attitude towards preventative maintenance that ends in massive plumbing bills – which is something that I should also check into while I’m at it. There’s a worrisome noise whenever I run the sink in that office’s kitchen area.    
  
So I am stuck attempting to prove to an unreceptive audience that my salary is the profoundly average amount that it is. Or at least not to play into their delusions of what I am.    
  
[end deleted text]   
  
  
  
On top of being late, I feel as though I worked all those hours and got absolutely nothing done.   
  
  
  
[deleted text]    
  
I honestly feel like the situation there is so questionable from a data security standpoint that I’m uncomfortable mentioning it here. It was almost satisfying before when I was just cleaning up the physical messes. But now I’m starting to get into updating the database and networks, and it’s been a discouraging task. Technology changes too quickly to remain secure forever as it is. What it actually needs is new equipment and the expertise of a real specialist.    
  
Good luck acquiring that in the current environment. All I can get out of the woman responsible for ordering said supplies is a startled look and some vague mumbling. Sadly, she strikes me as the kind of person who only becomes more incoherent when pressed. So I shall have to figure something out.   
  
That sanctimonious barve Dayja was passing through – just passing through, of course – while I was there. He looked concerned, like I might be a peril to the world around me. I remember him watching me during our previous meetings. I also remember what he said before, about minimizing damage when possible. He was right, but that doesn’t mean that I can stand him watching me as though I’m an unpredictable creature for the next however many years.    
  
Though I chose this course of action for practical reasons, I had really hoped to leave the audience behind – all the people at ISB Central who thought I was disturbed and they needed to keep an eye on “Crazy Ells.” Nice of them to adopt the Rebels’ nickname for me. And they were so furtive about it, as though I didn’t know what they thought. As though I were not going to hear what they said about me.    
  
It’s not even Dayja’s stanged business. He’s Intelligence and I’m Security. Not his job. I hope he gets called back to the Core where he can be self-important and correct at someone else. Kriff him.   
  
Besides, I don’t like him being there in light of recent events with the ISB.   
  
It has occurred to me that it was usually on days like this that I ended up in the position of needing to shoot some malefactor in the face. There are times when I would really like to burn something.    
  
[end deleted text]   
  
  
  
When I got home, it was to find out from Ahnjai that the  _ Imperishable _ ’s last known battle group is missing. I hate knowing that something could happen to Amery and Zain out there, and so soon. I hope they will be okay. I hope you know them, Lydia. They’ve become like brothers to me these last months, and that’s something that I have not had in a long time. Better still, they’ve been wrapped around your tiny fingers from the minute you came squalling into the world. (And believe me, that’s quite a feat, considering. You were a strange-looking little thing, and I say this as your mother. It took weeks before I was _entirely_ sure that you had not been swapped with a Dressellian infant. The resemblance was remarkable.)   
  
Zain, Amery, and Ahnjai are the closest thing you have to a real family outside of me. I have designated Zain as your hold-parent in the case of my death, with Amery as the second option. Legally, I cannot make such arrangements for you to stay with Ahnjai due to his species’ classification. Anyway, I should probably tell you a little about how we all met, but I don’t know where to begin. Maybe another day, then.    
  
  
  
[deleted text]    
  
Stars, but I was a terrible mess this afternoon. I kept handing you over to Ahnjai and locking myself in the bathroom to cry.    
  
Having Amery and Zain in possible trouble was bad enough, but there seems to be no end to it all. The messages come slowly out here, but when they do arrive it’s like a swarm of death and disaster.   
  
Vandron has had an accident. So have Lyrab, Drosmiti, Niles, Sveren, Rouz, Kedrik, and the list goes on from there. A fair number of Imperial Intelligence officials have died as well. Not nearly so many. Others in the ISB, less protected by rank and privilege, have been found in mass to be guilty of treason and collusion with the Rebellion. It doesn’t quite compute to my mind, but it’s very likely that most of those people who I hated so much for their whispers and stares – the ones that I resented and would have given anything to never see again – have been executed at Isard’s command in the last week. It feels like I wished them dead, and it is not the pleasant feeling that I would have imagined.    
  
The Rebels killed Teshik after Endor. I just found that out today, too. They called it some kind of trial, a death sentence. I don’t know how many times a man has to be shot before they just call it slaughter. I met him once. He was distant and prone to nervous tics, but still just a person. I thought he seemed sad. His subordinates hated him. Always went on about how he was terrible even though he didn’t do anything worse than Vader or the rest that I could see. I guess the Rebels agreed.   
  
Something happened to Darth Vader and no one can deliver a story without strange inconsistencies. Possibly he met the same sort of end as Teshik. I don’t know.   
  
I wish I knew where Antinnis is right now.   
  
People think that there must be some malfunction in me, that I don’t realize what they see when they look at him. But I do. It’s why I am so afraid for him.    
  
[end deleted text]   
  
  
  
Heading up to the roof was an impulse decision, but it’s one that I’m glad for because everything feels much better here. I had not realized that it would be easier to face things here.    
  
The sky helps a lot. It looks somewhat like the usual illuminated night sky over a city with cloud cover, but the hue is different and more pleasant. Tulekahju does not have enough lights to make much of a reflection; what I’m actually seeing is the faint echo of the Torch Nebula. It’s brighter and more colorful from a distance, but there’s something very soothing about the way it looks here. The light it sheds has an almost turquoise sheen to it, and it transforms the world into something softer than it was. It’s not the same as the light from the moon of Naalini on Galtea, but it brings the same feelings of peace. The Galaxy doesn’t seem so vicious, even though I know it is and always will be.   
  
Being here is not really as safe as staying in our room, but Ahnjai is keeping watch and so if Isard has sent someone here they will be quite unfortunate. He seems to like finding high ledges to curl up on – a habit that reminds me a great deal of the guardian-beast statuary on the old temples in Ilma. Heights suit him well and I suspect he would just as happily live up here.   
  
You seem to like it here too, though that may be as much because I am more relaxed as anything else. I think we may do this again in the future. Perhaps I should scratch the lava moat and start looking for a nice eyrie where we can all nest.   
  
[end entry]   
  
  
  
**Notes:**   
  
Some of these references may be repetitive, but better that than confusing is the theory.    
  
Zain (no last name) and Amery Tancred are both OC’s who have been mentioned in this story and _Shark Kibble._   
  
Much of the Srrors’tok social structure mentioned here is my own fanon, based on the idea that they may have a leonine nature – but they modify that baseline in their society, just as Humans do. Yet another possible future fanon post.    
  
This aspect of Ahnjai’s species was something that I had already been planning before I began beta reading for AzureAngel2’s _Serpent Spawn_ , but I wanted to give that tale a name-drop here too --- for a fascinatingly intricate fictional culture where Human (at least, I think they are Human – I need to read further) characters are described as living in a pride.  (Seriously, if you like the darker psychological aspects of my stories, Azure’s fics may be right up your alley.)   
  
The reptavians mentioned are a fanon species of my invention (more on them later.)    
  
The Golden Sun (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Golden_Sun>) keeps coming back.   
  
Dayja ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dayja ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dayja) ) again. I rather enjoyed his character in _Scoundrels_ ; he’s no angel but has some slivers of conscience, and a sense of humor to boot.    
  
Dressellian ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dressellian ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dressellian) ) – there are an awful lot of babies that start out looking a bit like this species…    
  
Crueya Vandron’s death (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Crueya_Vandron>) and the rest of the ISB deaths are based on the rather vague information on how the ISB disappeared and Imperial Intelligence ascended after Endor. Given the outcome, I’ve portrayed it as a somewhat uneven battle. See the end of the history section here:  [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Imperial_Security_Bureau#History ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Imperial_Security_Bureau#History)   
  
Ysanne Isard ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ysanne_Isard ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ysanne_Isard) ) – a common cause of death in the Empire, both before and after Endor.   
  
Osvald Teshik ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Osvald_Teshik ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Osvald_Teshik) ) – an Imperial Grand Admiral with extensive cybernetics who was captured and executed after Endor.    
  
Torch Nebula (<http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Torch_Nebula>)   
  
After reading this very interesting discussion on what the sky might look like from a planet inside a nebula, I pretty much made it up. But the discussion may be of interest.  [http://worldbuilding.stackexchange....ould-skies-look-like-on-worlds-inside-nebulae](http://worldbuilding.stackexchange.com/questions/4875/what-would-skies-look-like-on-worlds-inside-nebulae)   
  
Galtea ( [ http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Galtea ](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Galtea) ) – Elena’s homeworld. Ilma is a fanon city on the planet that I invented; it's the nearest urban area to where she was raised.


	9. Chapter 9

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 7:31 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: I happened to find one of the early holos of you and I while looking through my files today, and it’s very odd to see how little you were in those pictures. Apparently you have been growing like a weed while I wasn’t looking.

You are still a tiny thing, but I am amazed at the changes in just the last few weeks. It's still too soon to even tell for sure what color your eyes will be. They could be blue like mine or green like your father's. I keep thinking that there's a hint of my mother's grey in there. But I'm becoming more certain every day that you're developing a personality of your own. There's something about the expressions on your little face. Frankly, you look very much as though you are plotting something most of the time.

It's funny in a way. Back when you were a newborn, I used to drive myself to distraction with the vain hope that you would figure out what you wanted and we could do without so much of your wailing. Now I actually do manage eventually to find out what you want a lot of the time, but I think we are still not so far from the former screaming quota. How to put this? It seems that you have very specific things in mind and will continue to create noise until they are achieved.

You demand your different caretakers on some schedule understood only by yourself. May all the gods help us if the desired person is not present. I have a foreboding feeling that we're going to encounter the contest of wills aspect of your childhood a bit early.

When you're not yelling or sleeping, there is a constant stream of sound from your direction. Mostly cooing and other indecipherable noises. Now and then, a giggle at what I can only guess is some private joke. And sometimes you sound so emphatic that I think it must be a running commentary. Making your Observations of the Human Female Descending Into Sleep Deprivation, maybe.

The latest interest in your world is the undying quest to flop yourself over like a fish out of water. It’s an expected feat and utterly charming, but reminds me that you will soon be on the move. I have – a feeling about that. The apartment has long been baby-proofed, but I still get entirely un-psychic premonitions about that look in your eyes. It’s a very Shelvay look. One that reminds me of my brothers and sister, and of all the heart attacks we caused our parents.

I’ve worried so much about you inheriting some wild Force talent from your father’s side, that I forgot what you would almost certainly get from mine. You’re likely to be curious, stubborn, opinionated, and nothing but trouble. We all were.

I often find myself looking for traces of the other Lydia in you. I don’t worry so much about the wisdom of choosing your name anymore. For the first few weeks, I thought that I might not be able to handle calling you that all the time, but it’s become you. And you are indeed a different little person. That’s clear even now. But I do see those echoes sometimes, because your name reminds me. Someday when you’re older, I’ll have to tell you about Lydia, and Ansel and our parents. I don’t know if I can ever stand to speak my other brother’s name in your presence. I don’t know how I can explain when I’ve never understood why he would throw us all away for those Jedi. It may be the penance for giving you such a loaded name that someday I will have to put it all into words.

In the meantime, things are going much better than they were a few weeks ago. I’ve had a message from Zain. While I had already heard that he and Amery were well a few days after that one horrible day, it’s one thing to have a report and another to get a holorecorded message where I can hear someone’s voice.

Sometimes I feel jealous of Zain and Amery. It is a sad reflection on my own state, I suppose, since their childhood quite possibly outdid mine for family tragedy. At least I had my family intact for the first fourteen years. Zain was abandoned by both parents and never even knew he had a younger half-brother until I did a comparison DNA match on a hunch. If I hadn’t met both of them, seemingly by chance, none of us would have ever known. It hardly bears thinking about. They’ve both become so important to me in their kindness and acceptance that I never expected. Amery claimed once that I was the third sibling to them after helping to reunite them and all the other things we went through. I think my expression scared him out of ever voicing such feelings again. Sometimes that regret keeps me awake at night. I wish that I could make myself accept their friendship more openly. They know that I care deeply, but it’s been so hard for me to say the words. It feels like tempting fate. I have the same trouble about Ahnjai, though that is even more complicated.

They both adored you in the short time that we were all on the Imperishable together – perhaps in part because their occupations have kept them away from much contact with civilians in general and babies in particular. I hope that things will calm down enough that they can get away from their duties for a visit at some point. It may be projecting my own feelings to say that you seemed to miss them after departing for Shullia, but I cannot help but think it was the case.

[end entry]


	10. Chapter 10

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 23 AE: 10:21 – 4 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: You’re becoming more mobile and squirmy by the day, which is both a wonder and a caution to me. A few days ago, you managed to roll yourself under the holo console in the apartment in a matter of what had to be mere seconds while I was unloading the groceries. There was no real danger, but your speed was surprising. It’s a good thing that I have a steadily improving sense of your presence. I don’t know how parents without Force-sensitivity can stand this kind of thing.

It’s obvious that you’re trying to converse in your baby noises – you’re very chatty with me and with the caretakers at the childcare center where you go for a while during the day (I found a decent enough one a few weeks ago and it gives me and Ahnjai a little more breathing space). What I had not realized was that some of your sounds were also derived from Ahnjai. He speaks very little in Basic or in his native tongue, but he will make a kind of growling chant sometimes to soothe you. Apparently, you’ve been listening.

I don’t know why that should surprise me, infants being the language sponges that you are. I do wonder what people will think if you grow up speaking in some Human version of Srrors’tok – my teachers would have had fits and it worries me in the back of my mind – but I will not discourage this. The two of you have a bond of your own, just as you and I do, and just as Ahnjai and I do. That is not a bad thing, even if it makes me uneasy about how others will react.

[end entry]

 

[deleted text]

The first assassins came to Shullia this week, and yet I am not as shaken as I thought I would be.

Perhaps the reason is that they evidently didn’t come for the two of us, but for Dayja. He’s alright now. It’s possible he would have been even without my intervention. But I think that things turned out for the best this time.

Ironically enough, I was there trying to confirm that he was a threat. I had stationed myself at a good viewing spot across the street from his lodgings in the hope that I would be able to spot any of Isard’s allies that he might be in contact with.

So when a pair of camouflaged beings slipped in through one of the back windows, I was satisfied in a certain way – I had been right to suspect him! However, on moving closer, I noticed the blood stains around the fire exit and scuff marks from someone half-dragging themselves up the stairs. Just what I might do if I were injured, did not trust or have access to emergency services, and didn’t want to come in the front door in case of traps.

Though I could pretend that I worked out the cost-benefits or found some reason in my logical mind, honestly I don’t think that was the case. I acted on instinct. Called the police, called Ahnjai (I’d had a sudden thought that there might be someone breaking into our home as well), and followed that blood trail up to the exit door as quietly as possible.

Inside, the room was alive with motion and all the snarling and yells that had been blocked out by the walls’ soundproofing. Something unclear to the eye lunged at me, growling. It got smacked in the face with my blaster pistol for the trouble. I’d miscalculated one thing at the start; these were not humans in camouflage but aliens. The place was too small for plasma fire to be a good idea. So I made sure to hit my opponent again instantly to put them out of the fight, and shoved them out of the way of the fight as soon as they slumped to the floor. Dayja was wrestling the other alien for control of a vibro-blade knife. I watched the fight, looking for an opening where I could help without causing further harm. But it was over within seconds, the blurry outline of the alien collapsing to the floor.

Examination showed that the creatures were Defels. I have heard of them; every ISB agent learns about them. They’re very uncommon in the galaxy and I had never expected to see one in real life. Members of the species are also known as Wraiths, and having seen them in action I can truly understand why they are often confused with nursery bogies. They were just the barest whispers of motion in the air. Terrifying, really.

The police showed up to be confused and suspicious, and Dayja and I both spent the afternoon being interviewed by a series of uniformed people who were understandably peeved at the sudden debut of invisible alien corpses on their proverbial front greenscape. Making things even more awkward was the fact that both of us work in the same building where we were being questioned. They let us go in the end, of course; there was no question of that given that one of us is Intelligence and the other Security. (Naturally, that just made the stink eye that we received more intense, since they knew very well that there would probably never be a decent answer to their many questions.)

For the time being, Dayja and I have made a truce. Neither of us is entirely happy about it, but we’re both now aware of being on Isard’s list and we have a better chance working together. Dayja believes that there is something here that she (or someone else) doesn’t want him to discover, so he’s going to stay on Shullia for a while longer.

[end deleted text]

 

Notes:

Defel (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Defel)

More information on Ahnjai's language -- including its actual name (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Hras'kkk'rarr)


	11. Chapter 11

[message sent to Corwin Shelvay (New Republic Intelligence, Special Threats Division) by Damaya Ke (New Jedi Order) – 22 ABY]

rancors miss you, Tosh says hello

Sej is being a grumpy adolescent

Ilona located with Great Canyon Clan & it is a mess

clan sisters arguing about problems that I do not know about because I have been gone so long

remember why I left Dathomir in the first place

need a vacation from this vacation

heard you went looking for sister’s daughter from Iella

you did not tell me because you knew I would tell you it is obviously a trap

because it is obviously a trap

be careful

no picking fights with idiot cyborg stalker

barve always cheats

so help me I will drag you back from afterlife & make you listen to Augwynne lecture about water allocation among the clans

love you more than stars

[end message]

 

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 24 AE: 2:33 – 5 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: Things have been mostly quiet, which is a good thing because you’re now crawling around the place and getting into everything. Well, at least I had early warning that you would be an active child. It may keep me and Ahnjai twitching every few minutes if we realize that we hear silence (the sound of certain trouble), but at least there is no surprise in the fact that you are a handful.

Your chatterbox tendencies have continued, and that is slightly surprising. I was more on the quiet side when young – so were all of us, except for your namesake. Then again, you may have taken after your father in that regard. His talkative nature makes for an odd combination with the general aura of the Inquisitorius. Most of them do not socialize unless absolutely necessary, but Antinnis is more gregarious. It seems a bit unfortunate given that he is generally working with the lone rancor types. Even out of the little group that he seems to gravitate towards, it usually seems that he is doing the talking while the other three just exist in the others’ personal sphere. I suppose even that is a bit peculiar for Inquisitors.

Well, perhaps I am thinking about him today because I received a message that he is going to drop by some time soon.

[deleted text] I had not realized that he knew where I was, actually. It is not an unwelcome surprise, but I do feel some apprehension. Things have changed so much in the last year and I am not entirely sure where we stand with each other. And I worry about how it will be for Ahnjai. Antinnis has always been kind to me, but I know that Ahnjai was not happy in his employment. I am not sure how or whether I can keep them separated for the duration of this visit. [end deleted text]

In other news, you seem to have acquired a penchant for magenta everything. Purple and pink are alright, but anything in that particular unnatural xomeli-flower shade in between is apparently your first true love. I made the questionable decision of buying you a stuffed toy veermok in that color a month ago and you have adored it to near shreds. Thank the stars for mending tools.

[end entry]

 

**Notes** :

Damaya (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Damaya) – Dathomirian member of the NJO; the pairing of her and Corwin is just my own crack!ship. ;) There doesn't seem to be a lot of canon on Damaya's personality but I haven't read COPL yet, so I may contradict it in places.

Tosh (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Tosh_(rancor)) – aka the reason that we know rancors can sometimes learn language in Legends canon (!)

Sej and Ilona are OC’s.

Augwynne Djo (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Augwynne)

Great Canyon Clan (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Great_Canyon_Clan) – a clan formed by remnants of the Nightsisters; they are involved in the Shadow Academy crisis which happens right around the “current day” time frame of 22-23 ABY.


	12. Chapter 12

[Elena Shelvay – entry dated 24 AE: 3:1 – 5 ABY by New Republic calendar]

Lydia: Today was the first time you met your father. You do not seem bothered by his cybernetics, which had been one of my worries. Your response to his presence seems to be mostly untroubled. However, you have been very quiet and I get the feeling that you are watching the world with an uncanny intensity. The few times that he has actually held you, the two of you looked identically baffled by the situation.

Since you were tested at birth, I already knew that you would not be of interest in the recruitment sense for the Inquisitorius. However, I had been wondering if you might have a subtler gift and Antinnis apparently shares that speculation. He claims that someone at your level may be incapable of active influence but still Force-attuned in some way. I hope this does not trouble you if you are encountering the information for the first time, Lydia. Let me assure you that many beings in the Empire are possessed of the same sort of borderline attunement and it is not considered to be a cause for interest to the Inquisitors in any but a few rare cases – and those consist of people who went out of their way to develop their talents into a threat to Imperial security. In any case, we are both agreed that you will best develop your talents in a normal setting.

Kidlet, I hope whenever you’re reading this that you know your parents care about you. I will not lie to you and say that your father and I would be married and settled down if not for the war, because that is not the case. I do not believe that either of us are capable of that kind of relationship. Please try not to be discouraged by that in your own life, as I think that your fate will be different from ours. The Empire requires different things of its citizens depending on what they are, and Antinnis and I are proud to do our part. It just so happens that our part is a solitary one that does not allow for the kind of bonds that make a marriage. You, though, are your own individual and to my relief you do not have the Force-sensitivity that would require you to enter such a career.

Antinnis clearly feels a bit awkward dealing with you. Though I wish this would change, given that he’s going to have to leave again soon (and probably again the next time, and so on) I can easily picture an older you getting the impression that he is indifferent towards you. This is not the case. I do not always know what he feels about you, but I have rarely seen so many flashes of genuine emotion from him. To be honest, I doubt if he understands what he feels. But I want you to trust me when I say that you matter to both of us, however it may seem.

 

[end entry]


End file.
